So, I've published a book.
It's taken two years and I've effectively signed my soul away to Jeff Bezos and Amazon in the process, but The Running Drug is finally on sale. The problem is, I'm now not sure whether I should have done it at all.
Seeing something you have written gracing the virtual shelves of the world's biggest retailer is a humbling experience. But seeing your friends and family buy copies and actually read it...well, that's just plain terrifying.
I realised soon after launching the book last week that, at no point in the writing of it, did I ever stop to think about the fact that people I knew would actually read it. Indeed, it wasn't until the proverbial cat was out of the bag and stuck 40 foot up a tree that reality hit home. All these amazing people who had so kindly bought my book would soon be reading about some of the most private and intimate moments of my life. Was I really ready for that?
I imagine that this must be how the contestants on Naked Attraction feel after they finish filming an episode of Channel 4's flesh-filled version of Blind Date. Presumably they can't all go home 100 per cent confident that appearing, tackle out, in ultra high definition on national television was a good decision? Surely some of them must wish that they had filled in the form for Countdown instead?
Granted, there were no photographs in my book, but as I read the comments left by friends, stating that they had kindly ordered a copy, I began to reflect on just how much I had actually laid bare. Were they ready to read about my prostate and assorted trouser-related troubles? Was I ready to look them in the eye again afterwards?
The Running Drug is a personal story, but my hope with writing it was always that it might strike a chord with someone, somewhere and convince them to book a PSA test or a visit to the GP. So, if bearing my soul caused a few of my friends to feel a little uncomfortable when reading about my trials with a catheter, I guess that's a necessary evil. If one of them books themselves a checkup...mission accomplished.
As for my own uncertainties, I'm sure I'll get used to the fact that people will soon know everything there is to know about my prostate cancer experience, but what I'm most worried about is someone picking me up on all the running mistakes I have made along the way.
It's all there in the book, no stretching, no warm-ups, no core work...it's like I've voluntarily exposed myself as a running cheat, an amateur masquerading as someone who knows something about running.
Oh well, there's no putting the cat back in the bag now. Pilates class on YouTube? Nah, what's on telly?
The Running Drug is available in ebook and paperback from Amazon:
http://viewbook.at/TheRunningDrug
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